heys..
i know ive nt been blogging for a super long while.
but still.
just felt the urge to pelt down my feelings today.

ive rotted the whole day away.
woke up early. went for piano.
came back.
played com.
ate lunch.
my bro forced me out of com.
so freaking pissed.
then,
read marley and me.
super nice book.
definately going to catch the movie.
i cried like omfg.
while reading that book.
but its also funny
=))

read a bit of geography and ate dinner.
the rest was even more boring
gosh.

super moody now
cause my ass of a brother came home from his freaking chalet and headed straight to the com which im using.
and forced me to go out.
usually. i had no choice but to let him,
but today.
i just felt bottled up anger exploding.
my mum came and was like shouting.
then started scolding me and i was like trying to get the fucking point clear that i should not let him get his way anymore
but!
to no avail.
he went to bathe and came out humming happily and in a very irritating way i would just go and punch his balls out.
all that while my mum was still nagging at me.
OMFG!
i swear.
i was fucking pissed.
then my mum said we both only has 1 hr to play each.
like wtf?
i am only using this com to play maple cause its the only one installed.
later i shall use the lap top
and i bet
my brother thinks he won.
he doesn listen to me.
or treat me as a sister.
he uses me.
and as much as i love him. he doesn seem to bother.
i seem like a fool crying over this.
and also as though im talking about my boyfriend or something//
well. my close frens noe about how my brother treats me.
they always tell me why bother?
but i just feel this obligation.
i guess its because he is my brother.
i just wished he doesn think he owns me and that all must obey him.

maybe im just jealous that he is someone who people will like more cause he is original or funny
and i am just always following rules.
not doing anything fun.
boring,
and just purposely trying to go wild hoping that others will think im not boring or just using that cover to hide my feelings.
dumb. i know.

almost everyone or maybe my relatives prefer him to me.
i can sense it.
im not jealous about that.
its just that he thinks everyone is against him.
that whenever we quarrel he gets scolded and nobody scolds me.
but really. he usually is the one who starts the fight but always think im in the wrong.
he always thinks that i let him down.
i didn do this or that for him.
he will jsut go i won do it cause u last time also never.
but there isn that last time.
i don noe how he remembers it or think about it but im sure ive repaid him after everything.

my family life's a mess.
i thought i was back to normal.
after letting out stuff today. makes me have this nostalgic feeling.
my mood has completely changed.
i have training tmr.
and i don think im going to be cheerful.
or maybe i will after a night's sleep.
lets hope so.

argh wad a stupid post.
after so long of neglecting my blog .
all i could come up is this??!??
sorry.

for don noe wad.
but.
yeah. im clueless.

im supposed to study for my re tests.
but i still cant get the mood.
there is something super wromg with me.
god!

im so crazy.
i fought with my bro over the com to play maple.
-.-
but here i am blogging when i could have just used the laptop without stirring a fight between us.
i guess i got fired up by the way he comanded or something.

anyway.
went fishing yesterday with jie and her frens.
quite fun.
caught a few small fishes and a baby sting ray.
but we let all of them back
=)
i guess yesterdays eventt kinda linked or built up the pent up feelings.
why?
i wont say cause i cant describe it.
i jus felt.
wadever.



super long post huh.
on the verge of tears while writing some parts.
i wish there is something or someone who could spice up my life.
and not anything more to bring it down further.
haha.


quite sleepy now cause of all those late nights and early rising.
but im going to stay up and play the computer and continue this stupid battle with my brother.

stupid right . i know.
there aer parts of the story which may not be suitable for posting up
i feel. but still..
i think some of my friends would noe.
i suddenly feel like talking to some of them.
just thought of elouis.
haha.
have been on the phone with her several nights investigating.
lols.
shall not elaborate.
my heads thumping. my vision blurring.
realised i was typing in the dark.
wtf.




is there really unconditional love?
i may have been blessed with it all this while but just not able to understand it yet.
i also want to give that love out but i just don't have the fortune maybe?
so... currently my life isn one that people will envy.
maybe tmr i will be more cheerful and look forward to stuff.
today should be just rubbish
right?